Remembering Him

It’s been nearly 5 years since I last heard my brother’s voice… 3 and half since his death. I’ve come to a point where I can remember him, tell stories, the funny ones that make you laugh… usually with tears in my eyes, but now I can at least smile and finish the story…mostly. Except for tonight.

It’s funny how things can jog your memory or consciousness… things that you bury inside, or that you think heals with time…only to resurface from a familiar song or smell, a face, a similarity so obscure, but yet so deep, it begins to hurt inside all over again. Tonight it came on so suddenly, I was not prepared. My sadness resurfaced all over again… like it used to.It used to come in manic waves…over and over, until the waves got smaller and smaller.

My brother. I’m thinking about my brother, and I still can’t believe he’s gone.

Tears instantly streaming down my cheeks, I remember how much I miss him. I want to cry in somebodies arms, and tell them how much I miss him.  But, it’s 3 and a half years later… and who can I tell now? My family is just as heartbroken as I am, even till this day, and I don’t want to make them relive the pain I know they still have inside. We’ve all cried so many tears. It hurts just as much to see them cry. It’s not the kind of thing you call a friend and confess, even the closest friend… it sort of kills anyones mood, and they won’t know what to say anyways.

I miss my brother. I don’t know who to tell that to anymore. I don’t think this pain ever leaves a person. So tonight I’ll cry alone… remembering him.

Just my luck!

Of all things a person could wake up to in the morning… I woke up to the piercing sting of this guy, right between my ring and pinky fingers. What f**ing luck!

Believe it or not, this isn’t the most random sting I’ve ever had… a few summers back I was stung in the EAR (not kidding!) while waiting for the subway inside of the  Central Square T stop.

I think this might be Karma at it’s finest… long deserved (I’ll agree). Perhaps it all stems from introducing my little sister to her first bee… One time, when were kids, a giant bumblebee landed  between us inside our wading pool. She had never seen one before and innocently asked, “what’s that?!”  My response (deviously taking advantage of all the wisdom and cleverness of being the older sibling) was:  ”Oh, it’s furry and nice, you should pet it”, while holding back a grin… and, as any trusting 4 year-old would, she did.  Yes, it was one of many terrible deeds to come. That was her first bee sting… now years later, I’m getting mine!

Left my underwear at home today…

To celebrate my Friday, I decided to mix it up a little today and leave my underwear at home. Why not? This might not exactly be what most would interpret “casual Fridays” to mean, but what the hell, I did. Besides what better way to kick off a weekend and embrace my freedom, than by welcoming a slight breeze flowing to my derrière?!

Now this was no Paris Hilton scene, and there were no paparazzi around to witness this grand event, but it had a profound impact on my overall persona and general outlook on life today. I spent the first few blocks walking down the street with a crooked grin on my face… it felt strangely satisfying to have a this secret hiding beneath my dress. I spent the next few minutes starring down my fellow passengers at Forest Hills to make sure none of them had x-ray vision. Finally satisfied, I rested easy into my seat, assuring myself that no one knew my dirty little deed of the day!

The rest of my afternoon was history in the making… after conquering my inhibitions, I now solemnly vow to leave my panties at home (at least on Fridays that is)! There is something incredibly satisfying about permitting yourself the freedom to try something a little risque… so the next time you find yourself stuck in a mundane routine, perhaps there are little things in life that each of us might be inspired to try to spice things up a bit?