Home for the Holidays.
January 9, 2009
I hadn’t seen my family in a year… I missed them dearly. So much, that I booked my trip home for 12 days. 12 DAYS! What was I possibly thinking?!
It was bitterly cold so we were forced to hibernate in our living room, where my family launched into repetitious babble, each talking over one another, to the point where you realize that no one was listening to each other in the first place! I listened, mute by choice, exhausted by my futile attempts to chime in… as they continued to talk at one another. And so it went… for 8 days.
The last 4 where filled with the energy and excitement Christmas is supposed to bring, as well as the sorrow and indescribable loss that binds our family. It’s a particularly difficult time of year for us all, as we are each still grappling with my brother’s death in our own ways. I stayed with my sister-in-law (his wife), and my two adorable nephews, now ages 3 and 5. It’s bittersweet in a way, to see the life inside of them and feel my brother’s presence, as we mourn his loss.
All in all, 12 days is too long of a visit for me to swallow without my brother… he was the only one I could really talk to. We used to retreat to our own prospective corner of the house and laugh hystarically about mostly anything. He got me; we got each other… man I miss him. Family gatherings are just not the same anymore, not without my partner in crime.
Despite how annoying my family can be, the one thing I’ve learned through all this is to cherish the time you have together. Perhaps it’s not the length of time that matters, but rather the frequency and quality of time we share together. I regret not having made the effort to go home more when my brother was alive. I miss him every day, and I’m afraid now and I’ve missed too many days of the family I have left. It’s hard to face them alone, but maybe in small doses, I can feel better about our time together.
Wow – 12 days is a long time! You were certainly feeling optimistic! But time will minimize how annoying your family is – and you’ll laugh about all of their absurdities.
I’m sorry that you lost your brother. I think there are few words to describe the deep grief we feel on the holidays when a cherished loved one is gone – at least no words *I* can think of. So I feel for you, your sister-in-law, your nephews and the rest of your family, as well.
Peace for you in 2009.
Haha… yes, optimistic to say the very least!
Time has made the sadness less obvious inside of me, but the holidays and anniversary of his death always reminds me of the pain each of us still carries in his absence.
Thank you for reaching out to me.
Heyyyyy.
Just thought I’d stop by and saw this post.
I too am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I can’t imagine the pain of that, especially around the holidays…hang in there.
8 days at my parent’s certainly was enough for me. Not because of my family, but because of their location. Ugh. I remember why I decided to stay in Boston.