Art is Dead.

I’m sitting at the most pathetic open mic night I’ve heard in a long time. I don’t mean to be callous… but honesty has its way with me. You see, I didn’t mean to be here on my Friday night. I’m stuck at a coffee shop, silently begging the rain to stop so I can say good-bye to my impromptu friends. What started as a leisurely afternoon at my favorite coffee shop, turned into a painful sampling of what this crowd deems as “art” , “music,” and “poetry”. It hurts… apparently art is dead at Java Joes.

I’m sorry to be here, so cynical, so uninspired… but really, I’m not ready to brave the rain. So I’ll soak up the crowd a little and try to find some beauty from within. It is a random bunch of imports comprised of no familiar faces. There are many graying beards peacefully jammin’, sing-a-long-style to Grateful Dead karaoke covers, a poet with a “cosmic aria of a wife”, many eerily smiling faces,  a terrible rapper-gone-wrong that got the crowd to chant “kickball” as the chorus, and several young couples who have tried to brave the scene for the sake of their “date”… Okay, I give up! I can’t conjure up any positive words to accurately describe what is happening here.

Anyways, I think I’m going to have to roll up my pant legs, and make a run for it before I get socked for rolling my eyes, not clapping, and well…typing! I’ll just sing this new little rap-ditty I heard tonight, while I’m splashing through the puddles on my way home:

“When we’re on the field we play”… ‘kickball!’

“What a lovely day”… ‘kickball!’

“The league is here to stay… ‘kickball!’

“W.A.K.A!”… ‘kickball!’

(Can anyone tell me what the hell this means?!)

Not exactly how I intended to start my weekend… but hey, there’s always tomorrow!

Can’t blame a man for tying…

When it comes to pick up lines, I thought I had heard it all… some are cute, occasionally they are flattering, but typically most are corny, and some just downright filthy! I have two new ones to add to my list, after a recent trip to California.

One was from a homeless man sitting on the curb outside my friend’s apartment in Venice. I came out of the house wearing a sun dress, and got a “Wow, if I had a job, I’d take you out on a date!” That was… well, honest! I can respect the truth, simply given.

The second comment was one, for which I can’t stop laughing about. I was standing at a bar waiting to order a drink for my girlfriend and I, when this guy looks at me and asks, “what fucks like a tiger and winks?” I said, “pardon me?,” not believing what I had just heard. He repeated the question, “what fucks like a tiger and winks?” His answer… are you ready for this? He stared at me straight-faced, with his cap on backwards, sporting his long surfer dude haircut, and winked at me!!!!! I didn’t know whether to laugh or slap the guy up side the head! I returned to my table with our drinks in hand and couldn’t help but to blurt out his line to my friends… we enjoyed endless laugher, shock, and amazement at the balls of that guy… hope he saw us mocking him as we motioned tiger claws through the air.

Adding these to the list, I’ve been trying to recall some of the old pick-up lines that others have tried before these two recent gems. I’m now wishing I had written some of them down, just for kicks… as most of them are tragically over-confident and just downright ridiculous! It would be funny to hear/read others… what are some of the best/worst lines you’ve ever told or been given?